The Antidote
by SN1987A - Ritzen
Summary: The antidote was made a long time ago. She just didn't tell him.
1. A Prelude

_originally posted on November 20, 2005 and completed on March 8, 2006_

* * *

><p><strong>A. Prelude<strong>

-x-

"If, like Marie Antoinette, I transform into the dew on the guillotine..." Her voice trails off for she knows that this is enough to catch his attention.

Indeed, as she is speaking, his head tilts upwards in recognition of her voice, her tone, and her words. Everything sounds so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. Familiar, because the time passed has not been long enough for the things about her – voice, personality – to change drastically. Foreign, because the time passed has been long enough for him to forget those things about her.

How long has it been exactly? Three months? Three years? Three decades? Shinichi smiles bitterly at himself, lowers his head once more, and gazes into his reflection in the bobbing seawater. Three months only. And he doesn't find her; she finds him.

"Thank you," she resumes, seeing that the person before her isn't planning to reply soon. With her hands clasped behind her back, she stands, facing the setting sun but looking at his back, and smiles. "Thank you for bringing down the Organization."

"Where were you all this time?" he asks, still staring into the water and resting his folded arms on top of the railing against which he's been leaning. For someone who's been searching for a friend for several months, he doesn't feel the relief he thinks he should after finding out that she is well. Neither does he feel the anger he's expecting to after realizing that the situation they're in may be due to lies. He feels nothing. Sure, he may have been surprised at first, but that's only for a split second.

"Hawaii," she answers in a soft voice, keeping her eyes on his back but no longer smiling.

"Oh, that's nice," he remarks in a lazy tone. "Lots of sunshine. Lots more rain."

She doesn't frown at his scorn. Instead, she cocks her head to the side, trying to get a glimpse of his face, of the look on his face and in his eyes. She is on tiptoe, but he is too tall. "They told me you were looking for me."

"Hell yeah, I was. I freaked out when I found out the Organization didn't have you. I thought you died. I even begged the FBI to help look for you, but..." He spins around and regards the child standing in front of him. "Did they find you, or were you with them all along?"

Her gaze lifts a little so that she can look into the eyes of the person towering over her. In the stern expression that she sees, there is the same self-confidence that he's always had. However, this time, he is confident because he believes that she has done something wrong. Maybe, she says to herself. Maybe. Her eyes slide away and she looks toward the horizon. "The Organization had me. I died. The FBI found me. Then I was with them." She pauses and looks up again. Noticing his widened-eyes, she smiles and, as if shrugging off something, she adds, "You don't have to believe me."

The self-confidence in his eyes disappears as his gaze shifts to somewhere on the ground. Too many thoughts begin to rush through his mind and all of them end up being pushed out. Staring blankly at the ground, he withdraws so deeply into himself that he no longer feels her gaze resting on him or hears the water splashing up the wall. He sees only a pair of unreadable eyes partially hidden from view by strawberry blond hair and hears: _Tomorrow. I'll give it to you tomorrow._

-x-

(TBC)


	2. 1 The Idea

**1. The Idea**

-x-

"It's interesting how such a simple case would bother you to no end," Ai observed with a small smile, breaking the thoughtful silence that had followed Conan's account of the most recent homicidal case. It was almost impossible to decipher her smile, which might be due to mockery, sympathy, understanding, or all. Keeping her arms crossed in front of her chest, she stared off into a distance and continued, "It's also interesting how you've been confiding in me recently."

"Shut up, you." Conan slumped in his chair and scowled as he watched Ai's enigmatic, somewhat sad smile curve up into a grin. She was looking at him again, but this time with smiling eyes. "It's not like I have anyone else to talk to," he added as a harmless insult.

"What will you do if it were to stay this way?" Ai asked softly, her small smile reappearing on her face.

Conan raised his eyebrows and cast a wary look on the strawberry blond sitting across the table. "What do you mean?"

There was a pause before Ai, not once taking her eyes off Conan, replied, "I mean what I mean."

Conan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I see the case doesn't bother you."

"What do you not understand about the case?" Ai asked in a tone as if everything about the case was the most obvious thing in the world. "She shot her dead sister's boyfriend right in front of your eyes. She didn't run away but waited for the police to come and arrest her. She stated no reason for the murder, but she accepted her sentence with grace. What outcome could be more perfect and what case simpler, Sherlock?"

"You mean what you mean," Conan reminded Ai as he sat up straight, placed his arms on the table, and leaned forward, looking into the girl's eyes. "'I've done what I've come to do,'" he quoted the murderer with an eerie, quiet voice, "is what she said. And that is not a reason for committing a crime – no, let me speak. Before that, she asked us what difference it would make to her sentence if she told us her reason. Therefore, there is a reason, Haibara, just like there is something you meant when you asked that question."

"But you don't know what the reason is, just like you don't know what the something is," Ai finished for him much to his annoyance, for her tone carried more ridicule than needed. "Maybe when you find out what I meant, you'll find out why she killed him."

"Do _you_ know why she killed him?"

Ai flashed a benign smile. "No. I don't know why she killed him." She paused and he made a face in response. "May – " A loud clatter and several squeals accompanied by laughter came from the kitchen, interrupting her and causing the two of them to turn their heads toward the closed door.

"What was that?" Conan asked but received no answer from Ai, who slid off her chair and headed for the kitchen. _Okay_, he thought, _never mind_. He jumped to his feet and was about the hurry after the girl when his cellphone rang and startled him. From the corners of his eyes, he could see her stop and turn to look at him as he fumbled for the phone. After a glance at the number, he lifted his gaze and their eyes met. She lifted her chin slightly, and he rushed out the front door, grabbing his bowtie on the way.

-x-

"Shinichi?"

"Hi, Ran," Conan greeted through the bowtie, his voice as shaky as Ran's. "What's up?" he forced himself to ask.

"Uh..." A nervous chuckle.

Conan could imagine Ran twisting the telephone line and biting her lip while deciding on what to say next. No, _how_ to say what she wanted to say next. He wondered if her heart was pounding like his: afraid. But of different things. Taking in a deep breath, he asked, "Well?"

"Ahh, sorry," Ran said quickly. "I, uh... You... You! Shinichi, do you have time next Saturday?"

Next Saturday. Conan felt his heart sink. "I-I... Ran, I..." He tightened his grip on the phone as his voice trailed off.

There was a pause. "I guess you don't have time, then?" Ran said softly, and he could picture her with a sad and disappointed smile. It was her eighteenth birthday that he'd be missing, after all.

"I..." He knew that he should apologize, because anything else said would be inappropriate. And he didn't want to make a promise he couldn't fulfill. But he was afraid that with an apology, he'd close off any possibility left. He'd find some way, he told himself. He would. They were already working on it. "Hey, listen up. What do you want for your birthday?"

"I want you to be here. I want to see you, Shinichi."

No hesitation at all, he noted. He knew that getting her any other present would not suffice but only serve to upset her further. He leaned his back against the door and slid down to the ground. _I'm sorry_, he said in his mind, _I don't think I'll be able to make it_.

"You didn't even come back for your own birthday, stupid!" Ran continued, beginning to sound displeased and beginning to ramble. It made him smile, however, even though he felt guilty. At least she wasn't keeping things bottled up. "But that was your birthday. And nobody cares about your birthday. I don't even know why I bothered. All those for nothing! And now... You know what? I don't care anymore whether you come or not." She sniffled. "Have fun investigating your case!" And the line went dead.

_What now?_ he wondered as he ended the call and switched off the phone. What now? Ever since her call to him on his birthday and the disappointment then, he'd been afraid that the same or perhaps something worse would happen for her birthday. Haibara had suggested that they could try to do something to compensate for his absence somehow, but neither of them had been particularly moved by the idea. Ran, of course, would pretend that she was content and cooperate, in a sense, but that wasn't what he wanted to see. What now?

The door behind him flew open and he lost his balance and fell flat on his back. Blinking his eyes to adjust to the lights in the room, he found himself lying at Ayumi's feet. He looked at her.

"You okay, Conan-kun?" Ayumi asked. He nodded. "In that case, dinner!" she announced, grinning, and ran off, presumably, to the dining room. He could tell that she was thoroughly amused by his falling-over. Mentally thanking – sarcasm dutifully noted here – Haibara for sending Ayumi to call him (what if he was still on the phone, dammit?), he stood up and went to join the others at the table.

The food was simple and not very appealing. Most of the sushi was out of shape. If anything was cut, it was badly done. And Conan swore that something was burnt. _Next Saturday_, he decided, _Haibara is doing the cooking_. Yet, he couldn't help but smile and appreciate the effort of those three spending almost an entire afternoon to prepare such a feast. Really. If they practiced a little more, they might actually produce a decent meal for the surprise party that they – the three of them – were planning for Ran.

"Ran-neechan's birthday is next Saturday," he'd thrown out there a couple days ago, hoping that someone, something would inspire him to come up with a killer idea to make Ran happy. He hadn't expected the three of them to catch on to the event and become such enthusiasts. Well, they were sincere, and that relieved him. Who knew?

Before he sat down at the table, he caught sight of his reflection in the dark window. Behind him stood Ai, who took no notice of him. Maybe she didn't see him looking at her through the reflection. It wasn't that he didn't have an idea. Since Ran's call to celebrate his birthday, he'd had one that he knew would work, possibly, but one to which Ai would object. So he'd reserved it as the last resort, not to be used unless someone's life was on the line. He turned away from the reflection and sat down right across the table from Ai. Again, she took no notice; she was talking to Agasa. Nobody's life was at stake, not now anyway, he reminded himself, but...

"Why are you discussing this with me?" Ai'd asked when he'd brought up Ran's birthday last week.

"Because you're capable of understanding. I've known you long enough to know that," he'd responded. He hadn't been sure of her true reaction, for she'd just kind of scoffed and smiled and shaken and nodded her head at the same time. She'd looked away after that, and in the end, she'd replied nothing verbal.

"Yoshida-san made lemon pie for you," Ai said after taking a sip of her water, as if to wake him up from the memories and to leave them.

"Cool," he responded automatically. "Thanks."

-x-

He waited till Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, and Genta had gone home and after she'd put the dishes away before he entered the doorway of the kitchen to talk to her. When she noticed his presence, she raised her eyebrows and looked at him inquiringly.

"Can I ask you a favor?" he asked at last.

She crossed her arms. "You can. I just may not do it."

"Look. I'm serious."

"So am I."

A pause. Then he sighed. Looking away, he said, "The temporary antidote." He looked up to take in her reaction so that he could act accordingly, but she was expressionless. Just staring at him. He wondered how he appeared to her. "Can you give me one? The temporary antidote to APTX?"

She continued to stare at him. He felt as if her gaze was becoming harder, but he wasn't sure. He took in a deep breath and went through all the possible answers from her, ready to counter her arguments, to persuade her –

"Why?" she asked.

He blinked. Not "No"? Not "You're out of your mind"? Not "It's too dangerous, moron"? Or would these just come after he answered her question? He swallowed. "Why do I want the temporary antidote?" He took her lack of response as a sign to continue. "I..." He turned his head away, all of the sudden losing the long list of reasons he'd had in his mind. "I know I don't really have a good reason, but – it's Ran's birthday and... she – I just want to, okay?" He looked into the strawberry blond's eyes. "I know it's lame, and I know you're afraid that I'd run off to some case, but I promise – I'm willing to take the risk. It'll be my responsibility solely!"

She stared. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

He paused. "I want Ran to be happy on her birthday. And she wants to see me... as Shinichi. I know every reason that I shouldn't use the temporary antidote, but just for that one day, I don't want to see her cry." He looked at Ai, who seemed to be thinking. Knowing from the past few times he'd asked for her favor, he added, "Please, Haibara? I'll do whatever you want."

She looked up and frowned, if not narrowed her eyes, for a second. "The antidote can't be bought or exchanged for, Kudo-kun," Ai responded with precision and began to head out the kitchen. "Temporary antidotes are especially costly and useless."

He frowned at her answer, turned, and shouted after her, "What am I supposed to do then?" Maybe he was asking for too much.

She turned around, saw his eyes, and suppressed a sigh. "I'll think about it."

-x-

(TBC)


	3. 2 The Favor

**2. The Favor**

-x-

"I'm giving Ran-oneesan this." Ayumi held out her palm on which sat what resembled a golden egg. Unlike a golden egg, however, this object was slightly transparent and contained quite a lot of small air bubbles as well as something unique. While Mitsuhiko and Genta awed at the present, Ayumi added, "Dad bought a couple of these from... I can't remember where, but it was in Europe. I think this one is the most interesting. So I'm giving this one to Ran-oneesan."

"Is that real amber?" Mitsuhiko asked with his eyes still wide.

"I think so. Yeah," Ayumi said and held the object closer to the two boys for inspection. "See the ant inside? This is the only one with an ant. All the others that I got have either leaves or nothing at all. But there was a black one that Dad said was rare. What do you think, Conan-kun? Do you think Ran-oneesan will like this present?"

Conan blinked and smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure she'll love it. This one is beautiful." Ayumi beamed, hugged the present, and returned it to its container to be wrapped. _And I sure am glad that you didn't decide to give her the black one_, Conan said to himself, shaking his head at his growing phobia of the color and the word "black," and threw a glance at the strawberry blond.

"You think that's beautiful?" Ai asked, looking at Conan.

Conan raised an eyebrow. "And you don't think it is?" He drew closer to Ai and lowered his voice as a hint to the strawberry blond that they shouldn't let the other three overhear their conversation, which was, to him, not going in a good direction.

Ai leaned forward with a mocking smile, making Conan unconsciously withdraw a little to put some distance, and whispered, "To preserve that moment of the ant which you call beautiful is to destroy it – the ant. What's left is just a shell. Empty. Monstrous." Ai drew back, paused, and looked at Conan as if to challenge him to retort her.

Furrowing his brows, Conan glimpsed at the three children, who were watching them quietly but completely confused, and forced a smile. "Don't worry. We're all good," he said to the children, who looked at each other and shrugged helplessly. He then turned back to Ai and demanded in a whisper, "What is up with you today?"

"I thought I've always been like this," Ai responded, undaunted.

"No. Well, yeah, except you're way harsher than you usually are. Critical of the decorations and presents and food and... pretty much everything. You sound almost resentful of what we're doing. If – "

"The lack of sleep, maybe?" Ai suggested in a calm tone and with an innocent smile. "Someone had to give me only one week."

The shrunken detective stared. "No. Are you serious?"

"You asked for a favor, didn't you? Did I ever turn down a request from you?"

Conan snorted. "At least once." He paused and then regarded the strawberry blond, who resumed wrapping the presents. "I thought it'd already be available," he said in a soft and apologetic voice. "If I'd known that you still needed to work on it so much..."

"You wouldn't have known and didn't know." Ai paused in her work and looked up. "It's useless to talk about if." She glanced at the clock and returned to the work at hand. "She's coming in half an hour, isn't she? We have a lot of work left to do. Hurry up."

-x-

The doorbell rang at six, as expected. Agasa opened the door and saw a nervous-looking Ran fiddling with her dress. "Ran-kun," he greeted. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, Conan-kun told me to come here at six today." Ran bit her lip and combed through her hair with her hand. She chuckled and gestured to the red dress that she was wearing. "He even told me to put this on. He's so smart but so bad with surprises." Blushing, she shook her head and smiled.

Agasa smiled back. "Come in."

"Happy birthday Ran – " And several ways to address her followed. Neechan, oneesan, san... Along with the cheer, there were confetti, silly strings, whistles, balloon pops...

Ran laughed and greeted the Detective Boys, not bothering to peel off the confetti and silly strings on her. "Thank you!" She crouched down and gathered all five of them into a group hug. "Professor too!" She stood up and gave the professor a hug. "Thank you! But are we the only ones?" she asked as she looked around the house and smiled widely at the decorations.

"Yeah." Conan tucked his hands behind his head and sighed. But his eyes widened when the doorbell rang again.

"That must be them," Agasa said brightly and went to open the door.

"Who?" Conan asked, confused, but his rare baffled expression was ruined when he saw the children stifling their laughter. "Oi, you guys..."

"Dad. Mom!" Ran cried out when she saw the guests standing at the doorsteps. Then she gasped when she caught sight of more of them. 'Lo behold, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police.

"What's going on?" Conan asked the children.

"Well, we found out that it's mostly Ran-oneesan's classmates going to her birthday party tomorrow," Ayumi explained. "Since we can't go tomorrow, we decided to ask more people to come to today's surprise party. Now everybody gets to celebrate Ran-oneesan's birthday. Isn't that great? It was Ai-chan's idea."

"Oh." Conan's eyebrow twitched. That explained why he wasn't informed. And why the planning (ahem, plotting) was successful. He searched around for the strawberry blond and found her idly helping herself to a cup of fruit punch. "Hey," he said as he walked up to her.

She took a sip of the punch and looked up. "What?"

"Thanks."

She raised an eyebrow before realizing what he was thanking her for. Smiling softly, she looked away and said, "Save it." She turned, walked off, and seated herself in a chair near the window of the living room. Away from the crowd. Looking outside.

He followed her and slipped his hands into his pants' pockets. "You know, maybe you shouldn't do me the favor this time. Things might just work out fine. Without the need to risk anyone's life."

She lowered her hand and stared into her cup. Her hair slid down her face. "Tomorrow. I'll give it to you tomorrow."

"But I – "

She lifted her head but didn't look at him. "I'm not doing you the favor." She looked at the birthday girl and said in a whisper, "I'm doing her the favor."

"Huh?" Conan tilted his head to the side and tried to read the strawberry blond's eyes but couldn't. Her eyes slid away and she returned her gaze to whatever interested her outside the window. Conan scratched his head. "Why are you sitting here?" he decided to ask.

Ai smiled, still refusing to look at him. "That's okay. You go ahead and enjoy the party. There are some things that... I need to sort out."

"Come on." He took her hand. "Don't be a party pooper."

-x-

(TBC)


	4. B Interlude I

**B. Interlude I**

-x-

"I don't have to believe you." Shinichi nods, but his tone carries much scorn and defeat. Scorn at himself or at her words? He doesn't know. But he has shaken himself lose from the past, from the memories. At least temporarily. Too many questions remain and few can be answered with just memories. "I don't have to believe you," he repeats in a whisper, never once looking at the girl standing before him. Defeated for sure. By what, one may never know. Then he snaps. "No. I can't believe you!" He stares into her eyes.

Those blue eyes stare back into his. Just like always, he thinks, unreadable – those eyes of hers. Calm and impenetrable. There isn't much sorrow to read from her eyes. There's more... apology and indifference. A strange combination, he decides. Or is she hiding again?

"I suppose," he starts, sounding angrier than he intended to be, "that you thought it was funny to give me the antidote – the permanent one – instead of the temporary one, which was what I'd thought I'd be getting, without telling me. You didn't need a week for the temporary one, did you? You were working on the permanent one. That's what you meant by doing Ran the favor. Isn't it?" He takes a deep breath, irritated by her unresponsiveness. Either he's making the right accusations, or she's finding his act amusing. He decides that he should shut up. To force her to speak. Maybe.

A long moment of silence passes before the strawberry blond girl shifts on her feet and opens her mouth. Her voice comes out low and calm. "It wasn't funny. It was painful. I didn't want to."

"Then why did you?" He doesn't know why he is so upset at what happened. He doesn't know why he is so upset at her in general.

She stops before her words can come out, and another long pause follows. "For you and for her," she says at last. "I thought you'd be... happier with the antidote than with a temporary one."

"You could've told me! But no. You had to go off and disappear."

This time, she looks up at him with distinct resentment. "I didn't want to. They found me. They captured me." She closes her eyes, shakes her head, sighs, and looks away. Her face is no longer expressionless, but it's hard to describe what feeling her face is betraying.

Shinichi opens his mouth to retort her but clamps his jaw shut. He digs his hands into his pockets and stares at the ground. He doesn't have to believe her, he knows, but he chooses to do so anyway. Something tells him that he's taking things in the wrong way, that the girl in front of him didn't come to argue with him. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, finally relieved of bitterness.

She smiles. Or scoffs. It's kind of hard to tell. "I don't know... I don't know." She pauses and her eyes meet his. She chews her lower lip for a second before asking him, "Why didn't I tell you? Why didn't I tell you when I first finished the antidote way in the beginning when we just met?"

Shinichi's eyes widen. She smiles – lifts one end of her mouth – and looks more as if she's going to cry. So many apologies. Shinichi shakes his head and buries part of his face in one hand. "You mean, it was done...?"

"At most two weeks after we just met. Yes. Way back." She sounds as if she's affirming a simple fact to someone who's just grasped it.

"I don't believe you," he says decisively. "So many things... they don't make sense."

"They will, once you understand one little thing." He looks at her, waiting for her to continue. "I needed you," she says in a shaky whisper. "I needed Edogawa Conan. Or I would've died."

He shakes his head, not comprehending. Then he looks at her, as though he's just had a revelation. "'I'll protect you.'" She doesn't react, but he laughs. "But Kudo Shinichi can protect you, too. It doesn't have to be Edogawa Conan. And it still doesn't make sense: the fact that you said that there's too much information on APTX that you can't remember it all and the temporary antidote based on Paikaru... No... you – "

"The Organization wanted you dead, Kudo-kun. Sherry would've killed you. From orders. You failed to save Miyano Akemi. So Miyano Shiho would've killed you, too. To seek revenge. But you met Haibara Ai, who had nothing. Nothing in her, nothing against you. Except maybe a surreal past and the wish to ask you why." He casts a confused look at her and she continues calmly, "I have a gun. Would you like me to use it to take your life? Since, according to your logic, Ai is Shiho is Sherry?"

His face becomes grave. He doesn't know how to respond. He wants to say, _But you are her; you are Ai, you are Shiho, and you are Sherry_. He wants to tell her that Sherry has killed him – almost, one time in the past. But after that, he has nothing to say, except sorry. "Sorry. I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" she asks with frightening gentleness. "There was nothing that you could've done." It was as if she was mocking him. So much suppressed bitterness.

He scoffs and looks at her. "Nothing..." He is scoffing at himself, but at the same time, he realizes that she may be bitter about herself. He swallows. "It wasn't that there was nothing I could've done. It was that I did nothing when I could've."

Her eyes become clouded as she forces herself to look into his eyes and to smile. "Why?" Her voice breaks, but she clears her throat.

Looking away, he says in a whisper, "I don't know..."

To his surprise, her smile widens. But is it full of hopelessness or understanding? He can't tell. "No," she says. "I didn't think you would, or you would've answered me already. A long time ago. But what difference would it make?"

-x-

(TBC)


	5. 3 The Disappearance

**3. The Disappearance**

-x-

"If you were to leave one day, where would you go?" she asked suddenly when he was about to turn and leave after obtaining the antidote.

He halted his footsteps. "What do you mean?" He looked at her, but her back was facing him as she resumed eating her breakfast.

"Nothing," she said with a casual wave of her hand. "I was just thinking. I'd like to go to a beach."

"Haibara, you – "

"Don't take it too seriously." Her voice was no longer solemn, as it was before, but full of bored complaints. "I'm just somewhat upset that we're camping in the middle of the woods again this time. I quite liked that time when we went fishing. The wind on the sea..."

Exasperated, he rolled his eyes. "Fine. We'll go sailing next time."

Snorting, she glanced at the clock on the wall. "You should get going." Implying whether he shouldn't be late for her birthday party or that he should leave before the Detective Boys arrived and arouse suspicion, he didn't know. But he didn't give it much thought anyway.

They said nothing more.

-x-

_If I'd realized then, if I'd turned back then, then maybe, maybe..._

_Maybe._

-x-

"And then Eisuke-kun tripped on his shoelace, crashed into Sonoko, who was carrying the cake, and the two of them knocked over the table of food!" Ran laughed as she told her childhood friend, who was strolling beside her, what had happened at her birthday party yesterday before he showed up.

The Great Detective of the East laughed in response and shook his head at the clumsiness of Hondo Eisuke. But speaking of Hondo, he remembered the Organization, the antidote, the time. _It's about time, isn't it?_ he thought, dejected, and no longer followed the funny stories that Ran was telling him about their classmates. He only smiled and chuckled because Ran was smiling and laughing; he never heard her words.

Then Ran stopped all of the sudden – words and footsteps – and gazed up at the gate, at the house. The silence was ear-piercing, and he realized that they had arrived at his house, where they would part again. He glanced at his watch and squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the second-hand tick away. If only he had twenty-four more hours...

_"Calm down... Humans cannot reverse Time..."_

Putting down his left arm, Shinichi opened his eyes and mentally thanked Haibara with a soft and bittersweet smile. She'd done the best she could, and he'd come to learn that sometimes, one shouldn't ask for more when one already had a lot. He looked at Ran, whose back was facing him. He knew that his childhood friend was no longer smiling, but he hoped that this time, there would be no tears involved.

"Shinichi..." Ran whispered, and he waited. She spun around. "Shinichi! I love you, Shinichi!"

Of all the things that he'd expected to hear from her, this was the least. What was he to do now? He stared at her, at her flushed face. What was he to do now? As he stood motionless, he saw her strong and beautiful eyes lose their brightness and confidence. Did she think that he didn't love her back? No, but he did! He did. It was just...

His cellphone rang.

"H-hello?" Reality finally crashed in. He found himself blushing and heart pounding under Ran's gaze. Right, he remembered. The professor was supposed to phone him some time this morning to make him look as if he was called away for some important case again. _Except you're a little early, professor_, he complained in his mind as he answered the phone.

His heart sank when he caught sight of Ran's downcast eyes. She was chewing her lip; she knew. "P-pardon?" The not-professor voice on the phone grabbed his full attention. He took a quick look at the telephone number on the screen of his cellphone and realized that he didn't recognize it. "Wait. Who are you again?" He vaguely remembered the speaker identifying himself earlier. His eyes widened, and they only widened further when he comprehended the subject explained to him. "You're not serious," he said. Ran cocked her head as she observed the grave look on Shinichi's face. "I'll... be there soon," he whispered, and his tone scared Ran.

"Is it that case again? Or a different one?" Ran asked.

"Uh... different one," he decided to say. It was, in a sense, true. He patted Ran's arm reassuringly and said out of habit, "I'll be back." Then he hailed a cab, got in, and left. Forgetting the time, and forgetting the cab following his.

-x-

"Detective Yamamura!" Shinichi called out as he stepped out of the cab and hurried over to the police officer. A couple police cars were parked on the roadside along the woods in which the professor and the kids were camping, and several police officers were in view.

"You're Kudo Shinichi?" Yamamura asked, a pen in his hand and a notebook in the other.

"Yes." He looked around and saw Ayumi, Mitsuhiko, and Genta running past him. "Where is Professor Agasa?"

"We sent him to the nearest hospital. He seemed extremely shaken by the disappearance of... that girl. What was her name again?"

"Haibara Ai."

"Yeah, that name. And..." Yamamura's voice trailed off as he looked over Shinichi's shoulder with a surprised expression. "Ran-san?"

Shinichi whirled around, not believing his eyes. "You followed me here?" he asked, aghast, but that explained the other cab to which he paid little attention on the way here. And then he remembered that he should be turning back into Conan any time soon. _This is bad_, he thought, _this is in the middle of nowhere_. He hadn't asked Haibara how long this antidote would last, but he assumed it was about the same as the last. Give or take some minutes. Maybe he should've asked. Maybe he should've turned back and asked.

He'd been too excited.

Ran looked up from talking to the Detective Boys, smile dropping, and sent Shinichi a flat stare. "Do you mind?" She nodded to a sheet-covered body lying near one of the police cars and said, "I might be able to help. That victim there, I looked. She was involved in a case that Dad solved not too long ago."

"Then Mouri-san is here?" Yamamura asked with excitement. "Although this seems like a suicide case, I don't think so and can't wait to..."

While Ran explained to Yamamura that no, her father was at home, Shinichi headed for the body. _A case that Uncle solved not too long ago_, he thought, _that means I should know the case and the people involved_. He lifted the sheet and peeked under it. When he recognized the face, he returned the sheet to its previous position like a robot, stunned, and never once stopped cursing life and the coincidental jokes it loved to pull.

"I've done what I've come to do," the victim had said at that time when she was convicted of murder. _It was that case_, he thought, _that case which Haibara dubbed to be the simplest with the perfect outcome_. Haibara! He remembered all of the sudden and turned to look for Yamamura, who was right behind him.

"I heard from Ran-san that your skills match the Sleeping Kogoro's?" Yamamura asked as Ran came up to them. "Well," he continued before the Great Detective of the East could answer. "Since Mouri-san isn't here, I guess I'll just have to tell you about the case. So far, we know that the victim here is Saruwatari Miharu. She died from a stab of the knife here..." – Yamamura lifted the plastic bag containing the pocket knife for Shinichi to inspect – "...stabbed right in her heart. Only her fingerprints have been found on this knife. But..." – he pointed to a wooden cabin not far from them – "...we've located blood other than that of the victim's at the location where she died as well as a trail of that same unknown blood to the main road, where the trail ends. We suspect that Saruwatari might have fought with the murderer and injured whoever murdered her in the process. And the murderer escaped in some sort of vehicle. Then there's also the theory that she committed suicide, but how do you explain the unknown pool and trail of blood?" he muttered to himself. "Hey!" he shouted out to the detective, who ran past him. "Where are you going?"

"To take a look at the crime scene at the cabin!" Shinichi shouted back as Yamamura hurried after him. Ran remained standing by the roadside, but her gaze followed him toward the cabin.

Everything was as Yamamura described. Dried, splattered blood – a pool and a trail. The pool was right outside the door, some spilt onto the steps leading up to the door. But the pool of blood had been "contaminated," meaning that things had mixed and splashed into it. Saruwatari must have fallen into the puddle of blood that wasn't hers when she collapsed onto the ground when she died. No clear footprints. No sign of struggle, even.

There was nothing in the cabin. There was the door, but no windows. According to the police, the door was open, unbolted from the outside (since the latch was on the outside of the door – strange) when they – the police – first arrived. Shinichi stepped inside the cabin and shut the door. It was pitch-dark inside, save for the line of light coming from the gap between the door and the wall. Yamamura yelled for him to come out.

"How did Saruwatari get here?" Shinichi asked as he walked, with an annoyed Yamamura, back to the roadside where Ran was standing. "I... I heard that Saruwatari was convicted of murder and..."

"I was getting to that," Yamamura said. "I know about the case that Saruwatari was involved in. I follow Mouri-san's cases after all. We contacted the Tokyo Metropolitan Police and heard that they were on the way to a hospital when an accident happened and she disappeared after that."

"Wait, hospital?" Shinichi's head jerked up. "What accident?"

"Yeah." Yamamura scratched his head. "Saruwatari's lawyer said that she was mentally unstable and demanded for a reevaluation of the case. So they were on their way to a hospital to get an official report of her mental state. I think that the theory going around is that it was a hoax to help Saruwatari escape." He shrugged; they arrived at a car near the body. "But now she's dead, too. You think that maybe her enemies wanted revenge? Well, I'm going back to the headquarters where we'll be interviewing potential suspects. You want to come?"

"Uh, sure," Shinichi replied.

"What does all of this have to do with Ai-chan's disappearance?" Ran asked suddenly as she walked up to them and eyed Shinichi.

"Right! Haibara!" Shinichi looked at Yamamura.

"Well, she can't be the murderer... So I think that maybe she witnessed the murder and was captured by Saruwatari's murderer?" Yamamura guessed. "We've searched the entire woods area, and we haven't found her..."

Shinichi frowned and cupped his chin to think. "The car that the murderer escaped in, did anyone see it?" he asked.

"Nobody was up at that hour," Yamamura said. "So we have no idea."

Shinichi's eyes narrowed and he sighed. "Let's go interview the suspects."

"Shinichi!" Ran called out.

"Go home, Ran," Shinichi glanced up and said. "And help me send Ayumi-chan, Genta-kun, and Mitsuhiko-kun back." He turned to Yamamura. "Would you send one of your officers to protect Ran and the others? The professor too?"

"Sure, but why – " Yamamura blinked as Shinichi climbed into the police car. Shaking his head, he grunted and motioned for one of the officers to come forward.

"Shinichi!" Ran called out again.

"What?"

"Right now, it's most important to find Ai-chan," she said in a commanding and forceful tone as she walked closer to the car. "You got it? Find Ai-chan. And then when she's back safe and sound... we have a lot to talk about, Shinichi. You have a lot of explanations to give me. Especially how Conan-kun told me that he'd be with the professor when Ayumi-chan came up to me just now and asked for Conan-kun. She said he'd be with me. I told them that he was, but we both know that that's a lie. You should probably thank me for thinking quick."

Shinichi swallowed, nodded, and extended his hand to shut the car door.

"Hey, wait!" Ran shot out her hand to stop the door from closing.

"What? You want to come?"

"No! I want you to get out of the car and concentrate on finding Ai-chan! Not to run off to solve some homicidal case! That can wait later!"

"You don't understand, Ran." He plucked Ran's hand off the car door and slammed the door shut. He wheeled the window down and said, "To find Haibara, we might have to find the murderer first." And the car sped off.

"Miss, shall we go?" the police officer appointed by Yamamura to protect Ran and the Detective Boys asked.

"Shinichi, you jerk!" Ran yelled after the car. "That's not how you find someone...!"

-x-

(TBC)


	6. 4 The Search

**4. The Search**

-x-

"We request your help, Kudo Shinichi..."

"Ran-oneesan, where's Conan-kun?"

"No conclusions can be drawn. But I refuse to believe that this is suicide..."

"...are Hondo Eisuke and Mizunashi Rena..."

"...they are like this, apparently. Bombs and more bombs..."

"I'm sure she had mentioned what we do to traitors..."

-x-

Shinichi's eyes shot open, and he sighed. It was like this every time for the past couple of days, whenever he sat down to clear his mind. Scenes and snapshots of what had happened in the weeks before crept into his mind – the confusion and the horror. The horror at the end, especially, where he had to snap himself out of it each time.

He took in a deep breath, clenched his fists and slowly relaxed them, and let his gaze trail toward the calm, glistening sea surface. Rarely had he seen such still water in the ocean. He could barely notice the waves coming in. Maybe it was nature's way of symbolizing the final arrival of peace. So strange, so ironic, so unwanted. It was quiet by the beach, too. No one else was present, save the seagulls, he himself and the three of them that he'd brought along.

Following the sounds of splashing water, he looked toward the three children. Ayumi and Mitsuhiko poured buckets of water over Genta. Genta cried out indignantly and dived after Mitsuhiko, who tripped and landed face-down in the sand and the water. Ayumi laughed. Anyone passing by would've been amused and delighted by these carefree acts of the three seven-year-olds. The teenage detective watched and tried to smile, but he couldn't. Beneath those joyful faces, he could see emptiness that might never be filled again. Was it his fault? He didn't know.

Then, quite unconsciously, he pictured what it would be like if he and she were there. If she were here. They'd be standing a little off to the side, so as to not get involved in the water wrestling, perhaps. They'd be discussing, arguing, bickering – whichever pleased them – about... oh... how many grains of sand were there on this beach? How many stars could they see at night from this beach? Things like that.

Except she wasn't here.

He looked away from the three and toward the setting sun. The burning sky, the redness... such a sad color.

The rumbling of a car engine and the ceasing of it disturbed the peaceful state of the beach. A car door opened, closed, and shoes clicked across the pavement. Then he heard the crunching of sands. He might not have yearned for the previous exaggerated feeling of peace, but he didn't want to listen to the ramblings of another girl either. Maybe he should jump up, run across the warm sand, leap into the salty water, and swim across the calm ocean. To escape. And arrive at some other beach, where...

A gentle hand touched his right shoulder. "Shinichi." The voice came soft but firm, just as what he would describe as the loving motherly tone. "You shouldn't have left the hospital in this condition. You're not fully recovered."

_No thanks to you_, Shinichi snorted in his mind and rubbed the back of his neck and head. With one of her karate championship moves, she'd kicked and knocked him out before he could rush into the flaming building. Before the final series of explosions. Before so many things...

Ran continued with her scolding to which he paid no more attention since he caught sight of the professor jogging over the sands to join the three children. "The professor is in good spirits," he muttered to no one in particular.

"Ah?" Ran glanced over her shoulder. "Oh. Yes." She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You should be, too," she added as a harmless remark.

He looked away.

"Shinichiii," she dragged out his name. Receiving no response, she sighed. "Look," she said in a low voice. "You've got to stop acting like a spoiled child."

Shinichi frowned. "What's this anything to do with being a spoiled child?" he asked grudgingly. "She's not a thing, and can't be disregarded or forgotten after having lost her."

"You know that's not what I meant," Ran retorted. Rolling her eyes out of frustration, she heaved a sigh. "Shinichi. Listen. I don't want to sound... It's just... I... Look. We all heard what he said. The man with the long blond hair. Gin. I think that's what you called him. Ai-chan is – not here anymore."

Shinichi exploded. "You don't know anything about the Organization! Well, you're not supposed to!"

"No, and I don't!" Ran shouted back. "Eisuke-kun and James-san filled me in with some information, and the rest needs to come from you!"

"Me!" The detective shot an angry glance at the car parked on the pavement, hoping that his death glare would kill some FBI person – whoever – in the car. But he turned around even more annoyed; the dark windows were not wheeled down.

"Yes, you!" Ran crossed her arms. "Like how Conan-kun comes into play with everything! And everything else!"

"I thought you said we'd talk about those _after_ we've found her?"

"I know..." Ran said, eyes tightly shut and voice wavering. "But... she's..." She opened her eyes and looked at her childhood love with tears swirling. "She's dead," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"She is not dead!" Shinichi yelled. The seagulls flew up into the sky. And silence befell. He was glaring at Ran, who had jumped at the outburst and was now absolutely stunned; his face was probably red from the blood rushing to his head. From the corners of his eyes, he could see that the professor had frozen on the spot and the three of them had ceased all movements. Their eyes were either downcast and blank, or directed toward him and blank. The beach ball sat cuddled in Ayumi's arms.

After five long minutes, Ran shook her head slowly and buried her face in her hands. Shinichi turned away with a hmph and swallowed, shoulders tight. The seawater continued its gentle and miniscule advance and retreat along the shore. Shinichi wondered if the people in the car were listening to them.

They sat in silence for several minutes before Ran ran her hand through her hair and sighed. She looked down again and examined her fingers. "Do you love her?" she asked all of the sudden.

Shinichi's eyes widened. In truth, he had never thought of anything that way. He'd been berating himself for not being able to protect her, for breaking a promise, for his failure. _No, I don't_, he wanted to tell Ran. But he couldn't bring himself to say that, for the mere suggestion that he might love her had left him speechless. One eyebrow went up, and he felt like laughing. Everything was so numb. And dumb.

"Do you love her?" Ran repeated.

Surely, if he did, he would've known. The other eyebrow went up and joined the one before. He wasn't as clueless as people believed him to be. Before all of this Organization mess, he liked Ran, and he knew he did. He just didn't want to tell her yet and was still guessing how she felt. With Ai, something was different. And he was sure it had nothing to do with romantic feelings. It was more like a sense of duty. You know, what was it that Hattori said? His little follower? More like his criticizer, but whatever. He was rambling.

"I guess you do," Ran remarked, soft and sad, and looked at the white sand.

He looked at her for a moment with curiosity before turning away again. _It's so weird_, he thought, whatever "it" was. Huh. He shrugged and looked at the setting sun. Such a sad color. Their favorite color. All three of them.

But she wasn't here.

"Back at the hospital," Shinichi said suddenly, breaking the long and heavy silence. Surprised, Ran looked up. She had been planning to get up and leave, thinking that all was over. He wasn't looking at her, but he knew that although she hadn't cried, the tears had been blurring her vision for the past... however long it was. "Back at the hospital," he said again. "You asked, 'Have you actually looked for her?'" He paused and shrugged. "Have I actually looked for her? I don't know. It wasn't that I didn't care, Ran. I thought, well, sometimes people never find what they want when they search too hard, and when they put it aside to do something else, it turns up... Or maybe I didn't care. I didn't care." He stood up and brushed off the sand on his pants. "If I'd looked for her instead of running off to close a case – and failing... If I'd looked for her instead of spending so much time and energy bringing down the Organization that I hate so much... If I'd... Why?"

He shook his head and walked slowly to the car. He tapped on the window, and when it wheeled down, he saw Jodie looking at him and Akai sitting at the wheel. "Jodie-sensei," Shinichi said in low and dejected voice. Jodie opened her mouth to say something but shut them after some hesitation and glanced at Akai, who remained motionless and emotionless.

"Yes?" She squeezed out a smile.

"I don't have a photo, but... isn't there a squad or whatever you call them, in the FBI, that finds missing people?"

Jodie looked down. "Yes."

"Can you... Argh!" He turned away and stomped off, angry at himself. He didn't save her sister, but he was going to save her. He was going to do something for once. He was going to find her. He would be the person to find her. Even if he had to visit every single beach in the world and still risk the chance of her being one step ahead of him. Even if all that he could find was – no, no. He shook his head violently. She was alive, she was alive.

She's alive. But she's not here.

-x-

(TBC)


	7. C Interlude II

**C. Interlude II**

-x-

"Once a person dies, 'Why?' is a useless question," she continues softly after a pause during which the two of them reflected on different things. Although he is deep in his thoughts, he is listening, but neither of them is looking at each other. His gaze is fixed on the ground while hers is directed toward the horizon. "But we ask it anyway, because we want a reason to hate and to not forgive."

His head jerks up in reaction, and he looks at her. "Why not to understand?" he asks, feeling a pang of guilt, which completely erases his anger and bitterness to this whole affair. He is defending himself, he thinks. But he also realizes that his mind is clearing, and he begins to feel the excitement associated with solving a case – a feeling he has feared he would never again find since his failure to close the case of Saruwatari's murder.

"Because we can't understand," she replies in a whisper. "We don't want to understand."

Shinichi frowns. "That's not true," he blurts out, causing her to look up at him with wide eyes. He leans his back against the fence and slides down abruptly to the ground so that he is sitting and their eyes are at the same level. "If I'd told you the reason why I didn't save your sister, would you have hated me? Would you have killed me?"

Her jaws tighten and her shoulders tense. She hesitates but takes a deep breath and says, "Yes. If your reason is because you didn't care." She paused. "Did you?"

She is challenging him, he notices. He shakes his head but does not answer her question. "You wouldn't have," he says instead, and she looks away indignantly. "You wanted to understand. And you're capable of understanding."

"You know nothing," she says in a low voice, as if she is restraining herself from shouting. She looks into his eyes, hoping that what she says next would daunt him. "She killed him, didn't she? 'I've done what I've come to do.'"

Shinichi smiles. "Yes, Saruwatari killed her dead sister's boyfriend. You knew why, didn't you? Despite what you said. Because the circumstances were similar. Because you thought in similar ways as she did. But you know the difference, too. Something happened to you when it didn't happen to her."

She scoffs as she recalls the little argument they had when he first brought up the subject of that puzzling homicide. "So what did I mean? Now that you've figured out why she committed the murder...?"

Once again, he chooses not to answer her question. This time, however, it is not because he doesn't know the answer, but because there is no more need to answer it. For one reason, he wants her to stop running away. For another, as he looks into her eyes, he can tell that she has realized that he knows. Her gaze drops, and her facade of coldness disappears. She is so sad, he thinks and wants to put his arms around her to catch her tears.

But she smiles all of the sudden and looks at him. Her voice comes out soft and gentle. "You know? When I was in Hawaii, I kept asking myself, you and me... How did I feel about you exactly?" She pauses, and he looks at her, waiting for her to continue. "I needed you. Therefore I loved you. But it wasn't because I loved you that I needed you. Do you understand?"

His heart sinks, and he looks away.

"To _her_," she resumes, "your existence isn't crucial. She can live very well without you. But she loves you, hence she needs you by her side. I'm different." She shakes her head and says decisively, "No. No, I don't love you."

"I see," Shinichi says in a barely audible voice. He wonders if he can believe her words. All that she has analyzed, it seems so true. Yet, he wants to think, this is Haibara Ai, who is capable of twisting right to wrong, and vice versa, and et cetera. He wonders why he is thinking all of these. Another moment passes between them, and he decides to ask, "Why? From the time we met to the time I promised to protect you, it had been a while. Why do you still say that you needed me? Needed Edogawa Conan?"

"Because I misunderstood."

Shinichi raises his eyebrow.

She smiles, and he swears that she's never smiled that gently and warmly before. It almost makes him think that it's a different girl standing in front of him. "It doesn't matter whether you say it or not," she says and looks into his eyes. "Your gaze. Your gaze will always say: I'll protect you, I'll protect you. You protect _her_, because she's very important to you. You protect other people, because you're stupid like that. It doesn't matter who. I can be a woman, I can be a man. I can be beautiful, I can be ugly. I can be young, and I can be old. It doesn't matter. You'll always say: I'll protect you, I'll protect you. I misunderstood your gaze..." _And your confidence, your strength in it_, she completes her sentence in her thoughts. "I was about to fall apart at that time," she adds in a whisper. She laughs softly.

Shinichi doesn't know what to say in response. He wants to retort all that she has said. He wants to declare all that she has said as lies. He wants... he wants. _It's always what I want_, he thinks sadly. From the antidote to everything else... He shakes his head. "What happened exactly?" he asks all of the sudden.

"I beg your pardon?" She looks at him, confused.

"When you went camping. When you disappeared," he explains. "What happened?"

She chuckles. "Always cases first. Be careful. It might kill you one day."

He laughs. Somehow, he finds her statement extremely funny. How he loves irony. "Yeah," he sighs. "Because at other times, I stutter when I speak, with my brain dead. Do you know?"

"I think you've spent too much time with me," she remarks with a smirk that's so familiar to him. "Why does that sound like something I would say?"

Shinichi smiles. "I..."

"You what?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing." He looks at her. "Tell me what happened, okay?"

-x-

(TBC)


	8. 5 The Incident

**5. The Incident**

-x-

"What am I supposed to do then?" he had asked her.

Groaning out of frustration, Ai squeezed her eyes shut and buried part of her face into her blanket. For the past week, those same desperate words had echoed almost continuously in her mind. She kept seeing his dull blue eyes pleading to her from behind his large fake glasses. But she'd already given him his precious antidote (that which solves all problems and brings forth happiness) yesterday morning, dammit. Why wouldn't it go away?

Because you're the one asking the question, her inner voice scolded. Naturally, if you've been chewing on some thought that's been bothering you for the past couple of days, it'll be haunting you. Duh, her American self added nonchalantly. Sighing, Ai turned to rest on her back, opened her eyes, and looked at the ceiling of the tent as if it would provide her with the answers if her stare burned through it. People did say answers were hidden in the stars, didn't they? So if there were a hole in the tent's ceiling, she'd see the night sky through it and...

_What am I supposed to do_, she asked herself again, exasperated. She rolled her eyes and wrapped her blanket tighter around her neck. Everyone else was sound asleep, she noticed as she threw a quick glance around the inside of the tent. The professor snored. Kojima drooled. The other two slept without interesting habits. Not that snoring or drooling in one's sleep were interesting.

_This is a different time and a different situation_, she told herself, attempting to think rationally. _So why am I still asking the same question?_ She closed her eyes and her mind raced.

Option A: Because she hadn't found the answer yet, stupid. It had nothing to do with when or what or how or why. It was coincidental. But then... what would the question be addressing? Just life in general? "Where from, where to?" as Socrates had asked. Of course it had to do with the antidote.

Option B: Because she was so in love with him that – _whoa_. Who was in love with whom? Ai's eyes shot open and she fumbled for her watch. 3:07am. Perfect. It was the time when chemists would pick up a bottle of concentrated sulfuric acid and say, "Oh gee. I wonder what that tastes like." No, her mind was not functioning properly, thank you very much. Think antidote!

Option C: Because before she gave him the antidote, she was thinking about what she should do with his request. Accept or deny it? Fair enough, that sounded reasonable so far. And? Now that she'd given him what he wanted – her duty accomplished – she had no more reason to hang around and be a burden. Oh. So the question became, "What am I supposed to do with my life?"

And Socrates won yet again.

Disgruntled, Ai sat up on the mattress. After staring off into space for a few minutes, she rose to her feet and exited the tent. A cool breeze passed through her pajamas and she shivered. Fully awake now, she strolled toward the woods, hugging herself to keep warm, and paused at times to look at the sky. It wasn't her first time stargazing. But at least this time, there was no Kudo Shinichi around to attract dead bodies falling off cliffs and bloody murders. She spotted the Summer Triangle, but she could recognize nothing else. Either they all kind of looked like the Big Dipper, or they all just looked like specks of light scattered about randomly in the sky. But it wasn't like she knew a lot about constellations anyway.

Then at a distance, she noticed a glow of light. At first, her eyes tricked her to believing that it was the moon. But it was new moon these two days. Therefore, there should be no moon. That is, besides the fact that the color, the size, and the location of the light wouldn't have matched the moon's if it was out in the sky.

She increased her pace and, after almost tripping on twigs and logs twice, she arrived at the droplight that emitted the pale orange light. She found herself staring at a wooden cabin. She shivered visibly, felt the chill in her bones intensify, and tried very hard to prevent her teeth from clattering. Against her will, her feet ascended the stairs that led up to the door. The wooden stairs creaked under the pressure of her steps.

The first thing she noticed when she stood before the large door was the lock. The door was locked from the outside. Her eyebrow went up a millimeter. This must be a tool shed or something. She confirmed her conjecture when she realized that there were no windows in the cabin. Nothing interesting, she thought. Yet, she had the strong urge to remove the lock and open the door. The key-lock was simply latched onto the door; it wasn't fastened.

Standing on tiptoe, she removed the lock with soft clanks and was about to open the door when she thought she heard slight movement within the cabin. It was probably the wind or her imagination. She swallowed and rubbed one leg against the other. Why did it suddenly become so cold? She couldn't stop trembling. She pulled the door open.

There was a shout.

Conan's "Things might just work out fine" were the last words that entered her mind before it registered intense pain down in her abdomen. It happened so quickly that Ai didn't even realize that the girl had shot out of the cabin, stumbling once before her, until she heard the girl whisper, "Oh god. It's a child. Oh god."

Their eyes met momentarily. The girl was in her late teens, with her dark hair up in a messy bun. There were shock and fear and regret in the girl's eyes. Ai managed to look down at where she felt pain before everything went black. The girl had slashed and stabbed a small knife into her lower right abdomen. The girl's hands were shaking, and they pulled the knife out of Ai's abdomen as Ai crumpled onto the doorsteps.

There was a desolate cry. And then a second body fell limp beside Ai's.

It wasn't until ten minutes later that a black Porsche arrived near the cabin. The owner of the vehicle had come with the intention to silence a member with peculiar police records. She – the peculiar member Saruwatari Miharu – was informed that someone would come pick her up from the cabin at 3:30am. She knew she would die at that time, regardless of what _they_ had told her. Therefore, she'd made up her mind to fight with all she got with a pocketknife that she'd managed to hide in her the pocket of her jeans. Once the door cracked open – the door that allowed a thin line of light into that complete darkness and kept her sane – she would run up and do as much damage as she could with the knife. She would fail, no doubt, against a gun.

But it wasn't Gin who opened the door. It was Ai.

-x-

(TBC)


	9. 6 The Recovery

**6. The Recovery**

-x-

She didn't know how much time had passed by the time she regained her consciousness. The first sense to wake up was her sense of smell. There was the antiseptic smell. Then her hearing began to collect sound waves from her surroundings. Several things hummed and beeped. Machines? She was in a hospital? She remembered the incident at the cabin. Her lower right abdomen still ached faintly. Did someone find her and save her? It'd better not be that moron. Ai managed to force her eyelids apart as she realized it couldn't be him.

The room was bright. It was large and clean, too, she observed. For some reason, it wasn't what she expected to see. And she was relieved by that. As her gaze wandered around the room, she found herself looking into a pair of soft and concerned eyes. She was looking at a feminine face that was smiling. Her sister? No, it was someone else.

"You're awake," she said quietly. It could've been a comment or a question. But Ai could tell that the woman was trying to suppress her excitement and relief.

After a couple whispers escaped from her throat, Ai found her voice – shaky and coarse – and asked, "Who are you?"

The woman hesitated, bit her lower lip, cast a short glance on the floor, squared her shoulders, and announced, "Mizunashi Rena."

Mizunashi Rena, Mizunashi Rena, Ai repeated in her mind. It sounded familiar, but she didn't think that... Then it clicked in her mind. Mizunashi Rena, the reporter, the trouble – a member of them. Ignoring the pain and the tubes attached to her, Ai tried to jerk up. The fear was much greater than any pain. The only thought going through her mind was, _I'm caught. What will happen to the professor, the kids, him, her, and everyone else?_

"Calm down!" Rena caught Ai by her shoulders and pushed her back onto the bed, but not ungently. "You're safe. You're safe."

Ai didn't believe her, but she couldn't fight anymore. She was exhausted, and the pain was getting the better of her. Before she could ask Rena questions, the door to the room opened.

"Yo," a voice said softly and a head poked into the room. It was a boy of seventeen or eighteen years old and he looked so much like Rena. "If you want to rest..." his voice trailed off when he noticed that Ai was awake. He looked at Rena, then at Ai, then at Rena again. "Why didn't you yell for the doctor?" he asked Rena, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Well, I haven't – "

"Heeey! She's awake!" he hollered down the hallway, disregarding Rena's protest that they should be quiet in a hospital. He remained at the door for a short moment, as if waiting for some response to his shout, before he came into the room, grinning.

Ai didn't know what to think. She lied on the bed, frowning, confused. These two (brother and sister?) were not acting as if they were on the grounds of the Organization. It was as if they were her old friends just dropping by a normal hospital to pay her a get-well-soon visit. Maybe it was all a trick. But if it was a trick, she didn't understand why the Organization didn't leave her out in the woods to die. They wanted her dead, didn't they?

"You're a trouble, you know," the boy scolded in a half-teasing and half-serious tone. "You freaked us out badly twice. Once was in the Organization a couple days ago. We found you half-dead from the loss of blood in the cellar. You didn't rip off the bandage that the people in the Organization put on for you to stop your bleeding, did you?"

Ai raised her eyebrows. This boy was not making sense. She supposed he didn't realize that he assumed she knew more than she actually did. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

At this moment, the door opened again, and several people entered the room. There was a middle-aged man that Ai decided was the doctor. Then there were faces that she recognized: Akai Shuichi, Jodie Saintemillion... _Interesting_, she thought. _Either the Organization and the FBI merged into one, or I'm seriously behind current events._

"Well," the boy said after watching the people enter the room. "We know Gin found you injured in the woods. He brought you back to the Organization and the doctors there treated your injury. But when the FBI broke into that building, we found you half-dead with the bandage partially ripped off. We think that the only person who could've done that was... you."

Ai shook her head. "I still don't know what you're talking about."

The doctor interrupted. "Any questions or clarifications may be done after the patient has recovered. I'm afraid we should let Haibara-san rest now."

Ai shook her head again and said firmly, "No. I want explanations now."

Everyone looked at her, startled. Jodie asked, "Are you feeling well enough?"

Ai paused before responding, "I don't want to waste any more time."

The boy nodded in agreement. The doctor sighed.

"You don't remember anything?" Rena asked. "About the bandage or... anything?"

"I remember how I got injured, but I don't recall ever regaining conscious until just now," Ai explained. There was a moment of silence in the room before she spoke up in a quiet voice, "If you really want to know... I only remember being afraid, losing the desire to live, seeing black and red..." _And I saw my sister_, she added in her mind. _She told me that I was going to be late, and then she shut the door and left_. "Maybe it was all a dream," she said softly.

The doctor coughed uncomfortably. "It might be, uh, might be something similar to what some people have experienced when they die for a short period of time before coming back to life again."

Ai turned her head and looked at the doctor. He was tired, but he seemed to be in good spirits. "Are you suggesting that I died but you saved me, doctor?" Her voice was harsh, but she didn't mean it to be.

"Oh, no. I didn't. I didn't save you," the doctor said, and everyone stared at him. "You did. You saved yourself."

Ai had never felt so confused in her life. She almost wanted to tell them to start over at the beginning.

"You left us for twenty minutes in the ER," the doctor continued. "One of the nurses told me to stop, because after fifteen minutes, if the patients are still gone, they're usually... gone. For good. It was a miracle when your heart started beating again – on its own. Weak, but it was beating. There was a small cheer in the ER."

"And that was the second time you freaked us out," the boy concluded, gesturing at the doctor with a crazy, melodramatic wave of his arms.

Stunned, Ai took a while to accept what the doctor had said. A part of her thought this whole thing was crazy. Another part of her couldn't help thinking of her sister. Her sister woke her up, told her to catch up... "So what is the whole business going on between the Organization and the FBI?" she asked, putting on an emotionless facade. She was expecting the worst.

The brother and sister looked at Jodie and Shuichi. Jodie cleared her throat. "Mizunashi Rena and Hondo Eisuke here are... working for us."

"Technically, only me," the boy said. He nudged Rena with his elbow playfully with a smirk on his face. "She herself is just recovering. Woke up from coma a week ago." Rena smacked the back of Eisuke's head with her hand, and Eisuke stumbled onto the floor, knocking his head against the edge of the bed. "Ow..." he cursed as he clutched his head and glared.

Rena humphed.

"I see," Ai said in response to Jodie's statement. Was it relief she was feeling? Did everything mean that the Organization was brought down? There were so many questions, so many concerns. But... "How's Kudo-kun?" she decided to ask instead. When she believed that she was with the people on the justice side, she started to feel disappointment but pushed away the feeling. He wouldn't be here, she told herself sternly. Why would he?

"He's... fine." Jodie's eyes slid away, and Ai had the feeling that it was not the entire truth. Ai was about to ask when Jodie continued in a low voice, "He's frantic. He doesn't show it, but he's extremely worried because he hasn't found you yet."

"But you have," Ai pointed out. Then it hit her. "You haven't told him yet?"

"We've decided not to," Shuichi answered straight to the point. "The Organization isn't down yet. We want him to focus on the task at hand."

Ai almost sat up on bed again due to the unexpected answer. "You're using him!" she exclaimed, disgusted.

"Or would you rather have us tell him?" Shuichi asked, undaunted.

Ai paused. An old question returned – _what am I supposed to do?_ Instead of going through and listing options A through C again, she looked away and said simply, "No, don't tell him." She shut her eyes, trying to stop her thoughts from flowing.

The doctor hinted that the people should leave. And that was the last time they spoke about the Organization (except when they informed her that it was over – the Organization lost; she'd fly to Hawaii for recovery after that). And that was the last time they mentioned the Great Detective of the East in front of her.

Until three months later, when she asked for him.

-x-

(TBC)


	10. D Interlude III

**D. Interlude III**

-x-

"So you made the final call to have them tell me nothing about your whereabouts?" Shinichi asks after a long silence. She doesn't respond, but this time, she makes it clear that her silence is affirmative. His voice cracks. "Why?"

"I don't know," she says in a low whisper and looks at her feet. Her hands, tucked behind her back, are tightly clasped together. "Maybe it was because I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

She lifts her head and throws a glance at the clock on a building near them. 5:53pm. Then she looks at him and shrugs. "Afraid... Afraid that you really cared. Afraid that I was wrong. I didn't believe them when they told me you were frantic. At least I didn't think that you'd be frantic because..." Her voice trails off.

"Then why come back now?" Shinichi asks in a barely audible voice.

"I felt that we needed to clear up some things. Some misunderstandings." Her voice is firmer, full of confidence. Shinichi knows that she is back in control.

"Misunderstandings," Shinichi repeats. He nods. "Misunderstandings..."

So many things are still unclear to him. What happened to Saruwatari is clear enough, though he has yet to find out how she died. Suicide, most probably, he thinks. He scoffs at the idea, which he now finds to be the most probable when he has refused to even consider the possibility of suicide until just now. He scoffs at himself.

Shinichi raises his eyebrows in the way one will when one is helpless and sighs. They all lied when they told him they had no idea where she was. Hondo... when Hondo told him that he and the others didn't find her when they broke into the first building. James... when James told him that she was most probably dead – there were so many rooms, so many buildings, so many explosions, so few people to search for her. Even Gin... when Gin told him they'd done what they do to traitors... Shinichi supposes he will never figure out why Gin would say that. But then again, Ai doesn't remember being brought back to the Organization. He believes her.

Now that he thinks back to the reactions from the FBI agents, he knows he should've realized that they were keeping information from him. Jodie was a pretty awful liar when it came to telling him nothing about Ai. She must've wanted to tell him. The only person who could've pulled it off was Akai. Shinichi looks at Ai and decides not to ask about Akai.

He was too distracted. Too distracted to notice the signs from the FBI agents.

But what does anything matter now?

"They..." Shinichi says as he takes in a deep breath, as if to start afresh. "Ayumi-chan, Mitsuhiko-kun, Genta-kun, and the professor... have you met up with them yet?"

"I will. Tomorrow."

He casts a baffled look at her. She didn't come to see him first, did she? Speaking of which... "How did you know I was here, anyway?" he asks. All he receives as a response is a short laugh. There is some sort of expression on her face, in her eyes right after the laugh, but before he can figure out (some sort of expectant expression, waiting for something, some words...), a honk catches both their attentions. They both recognize the truck.

"So. He's here to pick you up?" Shinichi asks, as if asking the question will change everything. She will not leave, perhaps.

Still looking at the truck, she nods. "I... hope that we've cleared up all misunderstandings," she says as she turns her head around to face him again. "What I know, you now know, too. As for what you know, I may not know, but..." She falls silent.

"You said you're going to... visit the professor and the others tomorrow?" He resents the usage of the word "visit." It sounds as if she is just here for a short period of time. Well, she isn't, right? She's come back to continue her life as Haibara Ai, right? He doesn't even care if she takes the antidote to return to being Miyano Shiho or not. He just doesn't want her to leave.

She doesn't answer his question. "My flight's tomorrow afternoon. I won't have time to visit her, but tell your girlfriend I said hi and wished her well."

Her statement throws him off. But he manages to sort through the intentional mesh and asks, "Where are you going this time?" When he remembers that he should add that Ran isn't his girlfriend and won't be, she has spoken.

"You want to know?" There is genuine surprise in her tone.

He hesitates. "Stay. Please."

She stares at him. However, already back in control, she shows no emotion that will help him figure out what she is really thinking at that moment. "I have places to go. Things to do."

"Can't it be here?"

"Why do you want me to stay?"

"Because... Why do you have to leave?"

"What I'm searching for is not located here."

"Have you looked for it?" he snaps. But he doesn't mean to direct it at her. It's just something that will be haunting him from now on. _Have you looked for it? Have you actually looked for her?_

"Yes, I have," she says decisively. "I spent a lot of time looking for it. All those times when I would stay up past midnight. I'm searching for the antidote."

"The antidote?" he echos with much surprise and disbelief. "But... I... you..."

"Shinichi," she calls his name in a soft voice. He feels his face heat up. "Where from?" she quotes, pulls from her pocket an amber with an ant trapped inside it, and shows it to him. Gives it to him. "Where to?"

Then with a small, soft smile, she turns her heels.

-x-

(TBC)


	11. E Epilogue

**E. Epilogue**

-x-

I am Mouri Kogoro. A detective. The Sleeping Kogoro, to be exact. I'm a famous man. No, not the astronaut. The detective. Yes, _first-rate_ detective.

I don't even know why I'm doing this. This was such a pointless case. I mean, I wasn't even hired for anything. I just "bumped" into it. You know, like money falling from the sky. Except it wasn't money. It was a case like you've never seen before.

So I was walking home from dinner with my daughter Mouri Ran and the Twerp who's lodging in my house currently. Why wasn't Ran cooking that day, you ask? Well, how should I know? It was something like we've run out of oil or salt or pepper or whatever it is you use for cooking. Instead of buying some more of whatever it was we ran out of, Ran suggested that we should go to the newly opened Thai restaurant. Sometimes, I think she just doesn't want to cook. Anyway. We went to the restaurant. The food was good, by the way.

I was ready to climb the stairs to go back to my house and sit at my desk to let the food settle in my stomach when it all happened. That's right. It happened on the front steps of my house.

This girl no older than Ran (well, okay, she was a year older when I questioned her at the police station, but no matter) shot this man.

The Twerp, being as stupid and annoying as he is, rushed up to the girl, and yelled, "Don't run!" and "Call the ambulance and police, Ran-neechan!"

Now. Seriously. Any smart person would've realized that the girl was not running anywhere. She stood there and slowly lowered her hand that was holding the gun. For a moment, I thought she was a kid who'd fired the gun by accident. I thought she was too shocked by what happened. But when I saw her eyes, I realized I might be dealing with a cold-blooded murderer. Those eyes were determined to kill. And for those eyes to come from such a young girl, you start to wonder what they're teaching kids in school nowadays.

I ran up and caught the girl, grabbing her arm so she wouldn't run away. Hey, you never know when they'd change their minds and take off like they're trying to win a hundred-meter race. I twisted the gun out of her hand, but I very much so believe she dropped it on her own accord. Before I could give that a second thought, she said calmly, "Don't worry. I will not flee. I've done what I've come to do. I readily accept whatever punishments the law will sentence."

If you've solved as much homicide cases as I have, you'd know instantly that there was something wrong with this girl. Every murderer I've come across denied all accusations like screeching sea gulls. As for those people who puffed their chests out and claimed they were the murderers... it turned out they were covering up, trying to help the real murderer because they loved the murderer so much. People these days. Do they really believe love conquers all? Look at Eri and me! But I digress. I have a report to write up. And I most surely do not want to do it at all. This was such a weird case.

But look at her! The girl, I mean. She pulled the trigger of the gun. She killed the man. I saw her with my own eyes! Oh, I get it now. She knew that I, the famous Sleeping Kogoro, a first-rate detective, in fact, the best around, witnessed her crime. She was smart to not deny it. But we now have the question: why the hell did she want to commit the crime in front of my eyes? Did she like a flashy show or what?

Inspector Megure came, and like me, his eyebrows went up to the clouds when he heard about the case. Of course, I didn't hear about it. I saw it. And my eyebrows are actually still up in the clouds, if you care to look.

We brought her to the police station. We asked the regular questions. Name? Date of birth? Family? Relationship with the victim? ...Motive for murder?

That's where we were stumped.

Here's the question-and-answer in detail:

_Name?_

_Saruwatari Miharu._

_Date of birth?_

_November xx, xxxx. 18 years old._

_Family?_

_Mama Saruwatari, Papa Saruwatari._

_Relationship with the victim?_

_My sister was his girlfriend._

_Oh? You didn't mention you had a sister. Older or younger?_

_She's dead. Older._

_...Oh. _And here, the Twerp interrupted._ When? When did your sister die? And how?_

She paused and stared at the Twerp in a way that made the Twerp frown._ Last month. Suicide. Fell off a hotel balcony in New York City._

I cleared my throat and punched the Twerp on his head before he could continue blabbering._ What is your motive for murder?_

_What difference will it make to my sentence if I told you my reason?_

We stared at her. Inspector Megure, me, and the Twerp. Maybe it was time to use that American "You have the right to remain silent." We continued to stare.

She added, "I've done what I've come to do." It was her second time saying that. Maybe she thought that sufficed as a motive. What a strange girl.

We couldn't get the motive out of her. So we gave up. She was right, in a way. Her sentence wouldn't have changed. We wouldn't have accepted her motives. We might not have even understood. Well, for the "motive" we have currently, I certainly do not understand it at all.

So she's in prison now, serving her time. We interviewed Mama and Papa Saruwatari, but we got nothing out of them.

Miharu-chan was treated for several personality disorders. Miharu-chan always wanted us to leave her alone. Miharu-chan always spoke of wanting to escape from this world so that we would be safe. Miharu-chan always mentioned voices telling her to do things she didn't want to do... These started three years ago. She used to be such a brilliant and happy girl...

When we (the Twerp and I) tried to find out more about what happened three years ago, we were told that they (the parents) didn't know either. Just one day, she came home, pale faced, and everything fell apart for her. They'd tried asking her friends and classmates. None of them knew what happened.

We asked about her sister. Her parents only said it was possible that Miharu-chan's condition depressed Kanna-chan. They were such close sisters... We later found out the suicide note contained Kanna's hope that her sister's life would be returned to her sister with the exchange of her own life.

We asked about Kanna's boyfriend. He was a quiet man, Papa Saruwatari told us. Very quiet, very respectful, very knowledgeable. A businessman. But in truth, they didn't know much about him or his relationship with Kanna. He seemed trustworthy enough, however.

We found no information on the victim's family.

I have no idea why I investigated that far for the strange but simple case. It was the Twerp. He wanted to investigate further. And now I have to write up the whole report. Stupid Twerp. Of course he wouldn't mind investigating. He has this thing for investigations. And it's not like he's writing the report.

Tomorrow's Ran's birthday. Professor Agasa invited me (and Eri...) to another birthday party for her this evening. Damn Brat. Making this report so much longer than it had to be. Now I barely have time to get dressed!

The report's good as it is. Oh right. Forgot one thing. Miharu's lawyer (I'm surprised she actually has one) is making such a big fuss. Demanding the case be reevaluated because of Miharu's mental condition. I personally think she's very sane. From the conversations I've had with her anyway. She was just cold and didn't want to associate herself with people much. If there's a personality disorder with her, it'll be she's a natural loner. Or... loner since three years ago.

And Eri is here.

-x-

(END)


End file.
